Lollipop Man

by GlamWIN

Last night’s date was via Match.com.

The Place: Carnaby Street

The Drinks: Cocktails

 

The gentleman’s picture did him justice: was tall, fit, looked exactly like his picture. However there was one issue – the fact that his head was eight times the size of his body.

As a rule of thumb, when looking through online dating websites (or ‘going man-shopping’, as I like to call it), one has to take photographs with a grain of salt. Is he perhaps using a fisheye lens to make those shoulders look bigger? Has he superimposed that chin-dimple? Does he really have a unicorn horn, or has he just photoshopped that in to make himself look better? It’s important to view and review the pictures before committing to meeting a possible/probable mentalist IRL. However, this one got the better of me.

Sometimes, if someone’s using a screenshot from Skype, it makes them seem as though their head is quite a lot bigger, being that it is in the foreground of the image. And so you think, not a bad looking chap, really, and he seems nice enough on the phone and all that – so let’s do this thing! You might even choose to add in a hand-clap at that point. You’re amped.

Then take this whole hypothetical situation and make it have happened to ME, and when the gentleman shows up to meet me, he shows up with a giant head. No, that was not an issue of “perspective”, that was an issue of “reality”. There’s practically no room in the bar because his head is ballooning (bloating) with beer and his ego seems not to have taken any notice that there is no cause to be so up yourself when all you’ve got on offer is a horrible series of work-related anecdotes.

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